a Laugh-and-a-Half

    This does not mean that we are intending to limit the laughter or humor from this page to just "a laugh-and-a-half".  We hope that you experience millions of laughs.  Even-- billions & billions -- of laughs!   LOL !!   And if you hear any "good ones", let us know.

So-- Enjoy!

_______________________________

Did you hear about the man whose butler lost his left arm?

YEAH--- Serves him right.

(Thanks Fred)

______________________________

SENIOR CITIZEN SURVEY : 

Q. Boxers or Briefs ?

A. Depends. 

 Robert E. Lee was voted by his high school class as "the most likely to secede."

TV PREVIEW

 

This TV show summary caught my attention and made me laugh.

"Ralph... had turned his life around and then died of an accidental drug overdose."

The other day a clown held the door open for me.
That was a nice jester.

[ from a friend- Thanks Fred!]

•   How many Computer Programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb ?

A.  None.. it's a hardware issue.

• Why did the blonde wear green lipstick ?

A. Because she heard that Red means "Stop!"

• When did the Chinese man go to the dentist ?

A.  2:30  (tooth-hurty) :)   { THANKS TOM } 

• Did you hear about the musician in prison?

A. He couldn't find the right key, and so he was always behind a few bars. 

• Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

          A. So the other one could drive.

• Did you hear about the two peanuts that went into a bar?

          A. One of them was assaulted.

• A termite walks into a bar & asks:  "Is the bar tender here?"

• A grasshopper walks into a bar & the bartender says,  "Hey, did you know we've got a drink named after you?" to which the grasshopper replies, "You've got a drink named Irving?"

• Did you hear about the transistor radio & the antenna who were married ?

          A. Their wedding wasn't so great, but the reception was awesome.

• A man walks into a doctor's office & a receptionist asks him, "Yes, may I help you?" to which he responds, "I have shingles."   So she tells him, "Go into the second room on the right, take off all of your clothes, and wait for the doctor."  So he does as he is told.  A few minutes later, the doctor walks in to the naked man, puzzled and bewildered, and says, "My receptionist said that you have shingles.  But I don't see any.  Where are they?"  And the man replies, "They're out on my truck!"

•  A man walks into an exclusive lounge & the bartender says to him, "I'm sorry, but you have to wear a tie in this place."  The man scratches his head, and says, "I don't have a tie, but I may have something that would work," and walks out the door.  A few minutes later, he returns, wearing a pair of jumper cables tied around his neck.  The bartender looks him over and says, "Okay, I guess I'll let you in, but don't you try to start anything."

• A man says to his friend, "I got circumcised last month and couldn't walk for two weeks!"   And his friend replies, "That's nothing.  I got circumcised when I was born, and I couldn't walk for over a year!"  :) 

• A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

  His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a  little, and get your hair cut.   Then we'll talk about the car."

  The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

  After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."

   The boy said,  "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that:- Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair." 
 

   (You're going to love the Dad's reply!) 
 

   "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"

ONE-LINERS

Why did the Sitcom about airplanes never take off?   Because the Pilot was terrible!

What did the horse say when he fell over..  "Help.. I've fallen.. and I can't giddy-up!"

 WHY IS IT THAT  CHILI MAKES YOU HOT, INSTEAD OF MAKING YOU  CHILLY  

Have you ever wondered :  What if there were NO Hypothetical Questions ??? 

How many MEXICANS does it take to screw in a LIGHT BULB ?   A.:  Juan. (One)

 

KEEP CHECKIN' BACK--  MORE LAUGHS TO COME!